I go…

Why these words
Why these thoughts
Why such revelations
This mind has to hold
Why stir this heart
Why chosen apart
Why such emotions
Where do I start

What step to take
How far to go
Where forth I don’t know
This road I follow
Swayed by the wind
Lost in the spin
I falter and fall
Yet you gave it your all

Lean on the Wood
Rest on the Rock
Lay on Your feet
Saved by Your blood

© 05.09.2017 23:28

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Only God

Only You can see my tears and know exactly what they mean;

And only You can wipe these tears and fill this empty space within;

Because only You know what’s in my heart and give exactly what it needs;

Only You can steady this heart and bring back the peace within. 

© April 30, 2017

March-ing by

Since this month started, seems like things were going fast.  Lent arrived and then – boom!  A week left of the month and I wonder where have I been?  I mix up days, forget dates, here but absent.  My mind drifting and sometimes shutting down.  I’m staring but not really seeing.  And right now, my body screams STOP!!!- but I cannot.  There are things needed to be done and things I wanted done.  I haven’t prepared a draft for my blog post this March.  I haven’t picked up the book I was reading.  I haven’t been sleeping at the designated time I wanted to, not getting enough hours of sleep.  Seems like I’m running after time.  Just like that, the days are marching past me.

I am overwhelmed as soon as I shifted my eyes away from God and focused on this world.  I am downcast as soon as I turned my back to His Word and embraced the world.

Last night brought me so much consolation.  His Word that is truly alive and active and accomplishes its purpose.

PSALM 27

[Of David] Yahweh is my light and my salvation, whom should I fear? Yahweh is the fortress of my life, whom should I dread?  When the wicked advance against me to eat me up, they, my opponents, my enemies, are the ones who stumble and fall. Though an army pitch camp against me, my heart will not fear, though war break out against me, my trust will never be shaken.  One thing I ask of Yahweh, one thing I seek: to dwell in Yahweh’s house all the days of my life, to enjoy the sweetness of Yahweh, to seek out his temple.  For he hides me away under his roof on the day of evil, he folds me in the recesses of his tent, sets me high on a rock.

Now my head is held high above the enemies who surround me; in his tent I will offer sacrifices of acclaim. I will sing, I will make music for Yahweh.  Yahweh, hear my voice as I cry, pity me, answer me!

Of you my heart has said, ‘Seek his face!‘ Your face, Yahweh, I seek;  do not turn away from me. Do not thrust aside your servant in anger, without you I am helpless. Never leave me, never forsake me, God, my Saviour.  Though my father and mother forsake me, Yahweh will gather me up.

Yahweh, teach me your way, lead me on the path of integrity because of my enemies; do not abandon me to the will of my foes — false witnesses have risen against me, and are breathing out violence.  This I believe: I shall see the goodness of Yahweh, in the land of the living.  Put your hope in Yahweh, be strong, let your heart be bold, put your hope in Yahweh.

 

Even When I Am In This Valley, I Praise You

I am in the valley, the ‘white space’ in my walk with the Lord – the space where you know He’s there but you just can’t see or hear Him.  I feel abandoned, let down, disappointed, and yet I know He’s gotten me all secure and safe.  It’s just that my heart struggle to accept some things and prefer to enjoy the hurt because the hurt is there but the promise unseen.  Yet, His promise, His Word stands firm, it is the only thing that is eternal and lasting, the only truth in all these mess I am in.  For the past days I have been praying, “Lord, please speak to me… please talk to me… please…” and like what I told a friend, it felt like an off-air signal on the radio, not even static.  I would read His Word each morning to console me that all is not lost and that He is there, always there.  I tried reading between the lines, of figuring out what’s going on, of looking for His will yet the more I try, the more I get side-tracked, lost and frustrated.  As much as making sense, they don’t.  So imagine my delight when I finally opened yesterday’s Faith Gateway devotional “When You Can’t Feel God“.  And I know, He has opened the door I’ve been banging on for the past days to slip me this message.  This white space necessitates me to walk by faith and not by sight.  I clearly do not see any thing that has been promised, I witnessed it being taken away actually.  Right now, clearly, His promise is the only thing I have, His Word, His faithfulness, Him – my God.

For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. For we live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. (2 Corinthians 5:1-9)

Left My Heart in Lent

So, Easter came.

People celebrated Christ’s victory in their lives. I celebrated with them, even when my heart breaks and aches, my victory unseen and unfelt, I got more questions than answers. Will I say I’m misunderstood? Maybe.

I will be honest. Easter came yet my heart felt like Lent. It’s like the flowers have bloomed in spring yet my heart remained in the icy cold winter. I wanted to step into the garden and take in the beauty of spring. Believe me, I do and I pray for it. I was even looking forward to it with all positivity and expectations. Expectations are such downers…

Please do not rush me. Please do not tell me “how dare you think like that” or judge me for being un-Christian and doubtful. I know God’s victory for me will come, but right now, I cannot see it and I do not know what to do but hope. And this hope sometimes get swallowed up in pity and tears. What am I getting all hung up on? That a person decided in his heart he doesn’t like me? No. That not a single person I liked would like me back, they can but they won’t. Period. Self-pity at its core. It’s not you, it’s me. Something must be wrong with me. Yet God never ever created anything wrong, all He created is good and pleasing and beautiful. So where do I fit in?

Change of perspective, they say it’s all about perspective. But please let me wallow a bit in this – I have been here before but not quite the same, not this close to the light at the end of the tunnel only to be suck back in the tunnel. This time it was Continue reading

Hurt? Hope.

Whenever we are tired and hurt, our response often is to hide, to run away, to deny, to turn around, to be cast down.  To feel hurt is okay, it makes us human, it evidently shows we have a heart and we can feel.  It is good to feel – it is our check and balance in life.  To feel tired, to feel offended, to feel hurt.

It is also good to know that every time we hurt, every time that we want to scream and ask ‘why?’, every time we feel there’s no way out and we’re pushed to the wall – it’s wonderful to know we have this hope, a real hope, the light at the end of the tunnel, we have God.

Jeremiah is one of the prophets I love reading about.  Jeremiah lived through the horror of the exile and he saw God’s hand in the salvation of the Jews from exile.  He saw how the people of Israel has disobeyed God and He saw God’s mercy towards them.  He was a part of that twisted and disobedient generation yet He held firm to what he know about God.  He is someone who knows God and therefore He understands God and He knows that no matter what, even when physically he’s tired and mentally he’s exhausted, Jeremiah still put his hope in the God he knows – the God of mercy and of love.

We may go through deep waters, we may be exhausted with life’s problems, Continue reading

Perfectly Flawed ©

Few days back, I started writing down tidbits of praise and prayer.  The back story for how it started and why:

I sat contemplating about envy, anger, things happening around me, things going on inside my head, temptations I fight and failed to fight.  Then, I am inspired by St. Paul’s letter to the church in Corinth…

2 Corinthians 12:9

 But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

By His Cross, I see my sins and shame crucified.
By His Resurrection, I see my salvation and victory.
In my weakness, I see His strength.
In my sins, I see His mercy.
In my fallen state, I see His unconditional love.
I am made perfect in my weakness, through His strength.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made, flaws and all.
I am perfectly flawed for His glory.
I am His child, so dearly loved.
I am a child in awe of my Father, my God, my King.
And I will sing and proclaim His goodness, His mercy, His grace, His love, and this Hope through His gift to me – writing.

Debbie

Faith, Hope, Love

Photo source: The Healing Diaries

Turn not aside, discouraged one;
Stir up your gift, pursue your goal;
In God’s own time you’ll see Him work;
He’ll give you hope and lift your soul.

– D. DeHaan

Faith generates love.  Love feeds faith.

– Heard on 09.12.12

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13

Angels & Messages

Few days back, I struggled with my desire to attend the World Youth Day next year at Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.  The desire was overtaken by anxiety over the amount of money I need to have for the trip.  It came to a point where I consider to just let go of the idea of being there.  And throughout that struggle, I never prayed about it.  The Lord reminded me to do so, through a friend, heaven-sent.  Sheila asked me to pray about it, for His will. When it is in His will, He will make a way for me.  How easily I forgot about all His providence.  This is a wonderful thing I have, to trust Him and see Him personally work a miracle, a big one IMO.  And day after day, from the night I prayed, I continuously got messages about trust and obedience, of trusting Him even when it doesn’t make any sense, of Elijah’s story and what the Bible say about money.

To share some of the messages I got:

9.24.12

Sometimes, I will allow circumstances to cut down your resources.  Some go through hardship, poverty, and brokenness. Some lose relationships. Some lose their loved ones. And when your resources are down, that’s when you look at me—and become open to my intervention.
Remember: The place of desperation is also the place of deliverance, your deliverance!

9.27.12

I operate in the area of the impossible. If you want to find me, operate in the area of the impossible as well. If you work with what’s possible, you may not need me. But if you work with what’s impossible, you will be forced to look up to me.

10.1.12

Money’s great to have, but it’s important to remember where it came from.
Deuteronomy 8:17-18
“He did all this so you would never say to yourself, ‘I have achieved this wealth with my own strength and energy.’ Remember the LORD your God. He is the one who gives you power to be successful, in order to fulfill the covenant he confirmed to your ancestors with an oath.”

God will always provide what you need to accomplish what he’s set before you.

Thank YOU so much Father for such great love.  This is a journey for me.  I cannot guarantee that I will not doubt but I am always grateful and in awe of how He has time and again called me back and pushed away all doubts from me.

Jeremiah 29:13
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Let us be vigilant, never tiring, in seeking Him and His will for us.  And to listen when He reveals things to us.  Sometimes I fall short in the listening because in the middle of the asking and seeking I have created in my mind the reply I wanted and when I get something not aligned with what I have in mind, there is the tendency to shrug off the message.  Yet the Lord has His ways and He replies to our asking and seeking, and to find Him is to have an open heart and open ears ready to listen, trust and obey Him.  For He has great plans for all of us and we are all put here for a purpose He has assigned to each one of us.  No one is without one.

Isaiah 55:8-9
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

In all things, let us remember LOVE.  That our Father in Heaven loves us so and nothing in this world can separate us from that.

Romans 8:38-39
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

-a child in awe of You-